How to Get Your Spark Back (Ditching Survival Mode for a Life You Want)

Disclaimer & Intended Use: The ideas in this post reflect my personal experience with life burnout and losing my spark. This material is designed for personal support and structured reflection only. It is not clinical therapy, medical advice, or a treatment plan for clinical depression or mental health conditions. This article contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you. I only share things I actually use and love!

TLDR for my fellow skimmers 💕

If you've lost your spark and life feels overwhelmingly dull, here's the short version:

• What it feels like: straight zombie mode, doing what's necessary instead of what you want, feeling very little joy, dull skin, numbness, isolating, and every day blending into the next.

• Retail therapy and overnight glow-ups don't work because they spend the little energy you have without fixing the core problem. The feeling always comes back.

• My reframe that changes everything: you're not trying to get back your old self. You get to create who you become next, from the parts of yourself you love and anything you want to be.

• Step one is diagnosis: Figure out which funk you're in first, because each type needs a different next step to address it. My free 2-minute Funk Archetype quiz does this.

• Keep doing things that make you happy on purpose (hobbies, romanticized evenings, body & skincare routine). They're anchors that support the work you're doing.

• And when the 9 PM overthinking and downward spiral hits, Stop the Spiral is the 29-minute game plan for exactly that.

Let me paint the picture

If you're a fellow woman in her 30s, you already know the feeling. You're walking around like a zombie, doing what you need to do and none of what you want to do. There's no fun in your day, your skin looks dull, nothing about you feels bright or glowy, and underneath it all you feel numb more often than you'd like to admit.

So you isolate. Partly because you don't have the energy for people, partly because you don't want to explain why you're acting so off. Maybe your hygiene slips a bit because you're just sad and over it. It's a heavy feeling, but also hollow, which is an annoying combination to carry.

And the wildest part: time blends together, because every day is exactly the same. If this sounds like a funk too, that's because it usually is one.

Or if long-term work burnout dimmed your spark, I wrote a whole post on when work burnout is ruining your life reset.

Why we look for our spark in all the wrong places

Two popular escapes we love doing, and why they never work long-term:

Retail therapy. Society's favorite prescription. And look, shopping is super fun...

• Anticipating the package

• Watching the tracking get closer to your home

• Unboxing what you bought

• And the rush of "ooh, this is cute!!"

But if you've truly lost your spark, you know what happens next. Within a few hours, days, or even weeks later, you're right back to the ugh feeling. Unless your core problem was "I needed that one specific item," the core problem is still sitting there, unfixed. I have a whole post on why comforting purchases can't fix an unfulfilling life: the Self-Care Trap is real.

The overnight glow-up. The breakup glow-up. The divorce glow-up. The "I'm reinventing my whole life tonight" glow-up.

Again, nothing wrong with wanting a glow-up, the problem is the overnight part. When you've lost your spark, your energy is way lower than normal. So when you pour that limited energy into a five-part life overhaul, you end up more burnt out than when you started. Not to mention more frustrated because you tried and it didn't work the way you wanted. Now you're worse off than before you tried.

And this is coming from someone who did reset her life at 31: three years later, I'd call it 90% done, and I'm fine with that, because I never put a deadline on this journey. You can't rush it, especially not on low energy. And you can read the full story of my life reset here.

You're not getting your old self back. You're creating your new self.

Here's the reframe that changed this whole experience for me and fueled my reset journey. When women lose their spark, the instinct is "I just want to feel like myself again." And here's what I think that actually means: you want equilibrium, your norm, and your happy place. Not a literal return to exactly who you were before all this.

That version of you is probably long gone anyway. And honestly? That's the exciting part. Because instead of excavating some old version of yourself like she's a lost artifact, you get to decide who you become next:

• Look at who you used to be and keep the parts you genuinely loved about her.

• Look at what you've always wanted to try and start adding those in.

• Look at what you've been doing out of habit that you don't want anymore, and gently drop it. You don't have to carry it anymore.

All of it is your decision. And that reframe turns a heavy, daunting, scary "I have to get back to myself" into what it actually is: a fun project.

I'm my favorite project to work on, and when you see getting your spark back as creating your next self, you get to become that girl all over again but the updated version!

Self-concept work, like rampages, is one of my favorite tools for helping decide and cement who you're becoming.

Step 1: Find the best solution for yourself

When I've lost my spark, I'm almost always also in a funk, so I treat the escape the same way. And the first move is never "do more." It's diagnosis.

Because here's the trap: if you're overwhelmed and your plate is too full, the fix is removing things. But if you've voided your life of things that bring you joy, the fix is adding them. Those are opposite moves! Take the wrong one and you make yourself worse. You can't know which move you need until you know what kind of funk you're in.

That's why I made the free Funk Archetype Quiz: 2 minutes, 5 questions, four funk types (Overwhelmed, Disconnected, Running on Fumes, Stagnant), and it hands you the best mini next step for the funk type you get instead of a generic one.

Step 2: Things that make you happy (on purpose)

Once I know what I'm dealing with, I get strict about one thing: doing things that bring me joy. Not as the fix, the core work is the only thing that does that, but as fuel for the journey. My favorite joy-bringing activities are gaming, watching YouTube videos, and listening to audiobooks. If you don't know where to start with hobbies and want some new ones, look at your childhood years: that post changed how a lot of women think about this!

Step 3: Romanticize your evenings

This is where the loss of your spark tends to hit the hardest. You're done with work, done with the household, and your mind starts spinning. This is why I romanticize my evenings with purpose to lessen the impact as much as possible.

My favorite evening activity: my glass skin routine. When I've lost my spark I feel dull, nothing about me looks bright, and my skincare routine literally gives me back the glow I'm missing. I feel radiant and feminine again, and that's a big deal for me because when my spark is gone I shift into "let me just get things done" mode, which removes a lot of my softness.

Doing things that make me feel feminine and like I'm receiving again, even when I'm the one giving them to myself, is a sign I'm coming back to life, like:

• A solid hair wash day can also help my spark come back (my favorite natural hair products can be found here).

• Now that it's getting colder out, I love using my towel warmer for setting the perfect vibe for my post-shower routine (the one I use).

Here's why these little rituals punch above their weight: they're psychological anchors. Maybe not my examples, but think of the things you do when you feel fine. Doing them reminds your brain "oh, this is what enjoyment feels like." It won't hit exactly the same when you're getting your spark back, and that's okay, it still supports you. And seeing yourself physically glow again, soft skin, smelling cute, feeling clean and put together, lowkey preps you to be ready to do things again.

Now, let's get very clear about what these routines are, and that is maintenance. They support the work, they do not replace it. I wrote a post about why self-care can't carry a life reset by itself, and how to use it the right way. Use aesthetic self-care the right way and it becomes one of the best parts of the journey instead of another thing that fails you.

And if you don't have the energy for any of these romanticized activities? That's okay too! Accepting that it's not possible right now is part of this too. Always and forever give yourself grace. And for the nights when the vibe is perfect and your brain still won't hush? I have something for that too!

And for the 9 PM spiral

Some evenings, the routine goes perfectly, your ready for some solid R&R and your brain still decides it's time to overthink! You're not at work, everyone's taken care of, and your mind is off to the races: overthinking, spiraling, all downhill.

Because the thing that undoes more resets than anything else is the downward spiral you don't have a plan for. For these situations, I like systems, especially ones that meet me where I am energetically, and Stop the Spiral: How to Get Out of a Funk is a beautiful example of one:

• It's 29 minutes, less time than most of our favorite shows.

• You can watch the videos or listen to it while you do other activities.

• It walks you through the 2-main steps I take to interrupt those overthinking sessions that get you stuck in a funk.

• It's not there to exhaust you further or add extra work to your world.

• It's $27, you have it for a lifetime, and it will always be there when you need it.

Stop the Spiral is designed to keep your evenings from undoing your days, because stopping the spiral is exactly how you get your spark back.

This too shall pass

Last thing: this limbo and in-between space doesn't last forever, especially not if you keep doing the work. And the work can go as slow or as fast as you can handle.

Some days you'll make a lot of progress, some days none, and some days it'll feel like you went backwards. All of it is part of the journey, and knowing that upfront is how you skip the shame spiral entirely.

So become your favorite project to work on and see this as a fun, cute journey instead of a heavy thing to conquer. Because it's all mindset shifts, reframes, and doing the work. You've got this, lovely. Now go get that spark back!

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The journey to a life that you truly love doesn't have to stop here!

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